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父母与我们一起成长了十多年，是我们的第一位启蒙老师，他们对我们的影响无论好坏都会留下深刻的烙印。
One of the most difficult things about being human is how easily influenced we are by our childhoods – and more particularly, our parents.
生而为人，最难的一点在于，我们都很容易受到童年的影响，特别是来自父母的影响。
The human mind between the ages of one and ten is dauntingly receptive, infinitely attuned to its environment. A somewhat cold, forbidding father or an erratic mother really may be all that are required to breed an elevated degree of anxiety or self-hatred that colours the next eight decades.
1到10岁时期的大脑，接受能力尤为惊人，大脑在这个时期无限地与周围环境进行调和。如果父亲冷峻严酷，母亲古怪莫测，可能真的会养育出高度焦虑、无比自恨的儿女，并影响儿女今后80多年的人生。
And yet this kind of parental imprinting is very hard to spot – and therefore overcome. Most of us would be highly surprised to think that a parent or two might be living inside our heads. The way we think seems to us to be the result of our own will. We seldom come across any voices or attitudes that feel actively foreign or externally sourced.
但这种父母的影子藏得很深，难以发现，因此也很难克服。多数人会惊讶地发现，要么是父亲的影子，要么母亲的影子，要么父母两个人的影子，都会投射在我们的大脑里。我们的思维方式，看似是自己意志的结果，但是我们很少受到来自不熟悉的或者外界的声音与态度的影响。
Nevertheless, given how long we were exposed to them and at what formative stages, our parents may have left more of a mark on us than we normally recognise – and may be constantly commenting on our lives from inside like a chorus of unhelpful marionettes.
然而，鉴于我们与父母接触的时间之长，且正处于大脑接受能力很强的成长阶段，父母给我们留下的影响远超我们的想象，他们的影子会藏在我们的内心深处，议论我们的生活，犹如毫无益处的提线木偶在唱双簧。
When we fail, a voice inside us may say, ‘You should never get above your station.’ When a relationship breaks down, an inner voice might whisper, ‘Never expect anything from others.’ When a nasty rumour spreads about us, we hear: ‘You were always too impulsive.’
当我们遭遇挫折时，影子会说：永远不要自不量力 ；关系破裂时，影子会低语：不要对别人有太多期待；涉及我们的流言蜚语四处散播时，我们会听到：你总是太意气用事了。
It can help to ask ourselves a number of questions about our parents’ views – as experience has taught us to conceive of them.
这会让我们不断问自己，我们的父母怎么看？正如过往经验那样，我们会设想父母的观点。
We might, without thinking too hard (and thereby allowing our defences to choke our spontaneous insights), finish the following sentences:
不给自己的大脑任何思考的余地（从而让自我防御扑灭自发思考），我们会这样的对自己说：
My father gave me a feeling that I am a…
我父亲让我感觉 我应该...
My mother left me with a sense that I am a…
我母亲让我感觉，我应该...
My father would now think that I am…
我父亲会认为，我应该...
My mother would now think that I am…
我母亲会认为，我应该...
What our inner parents have to say is often not especially enlightened or in line with what we want for ourselves. And yet we can observe how deeply such ideas sink into us nevertheless.
内心的父母所说的话往往没有什么指导意义，也不符合我们对自己的期望。然而，我们观察到，这样的话语已经在我们心中根深蒂固。
We can continue the exercise:
我们可以试着换一种方式继续问自己：
If I really needed him, my father…
如果我真的需要父亲的意见，我的父亲会...
If I really needed her, my mother…
如果我真的需要母亲的意见，我的母亲会...
To disagree with my mother would mean…
不同意我母亲的意见意味着…
To disagree with my father would mean…
不同意我父亲的意见意味着…
If I made a mistake, my father would…
如果我犯了错，我父亲会…
If I made a mistake, my mother would…
如果我犯了错，我母亲会…
Our parents’ views rarely stick out in our minds; they merge with our own; they lose their identifying labels, they become sides of everyday consciousness, indistinguishable from what we more broadly want and believe.
父母留在我们大脑里的影子并不明显，因为他们的影子已经与我们的大脑融合，无法识别，并变成了我们日常意识的一部分。父母的影子与我们更广泛的想要和相信的东西没有任何区别。
Yet we should try to reverse the process of absorption, and to recover some distance between ourselves and impulses and attitudes that may bear no relation to our healthier aspirations.
但是，我们应该努力扭转这种融合的过程，去与这些受父母影响的冲动、态度保持距离，这些冲动和态度可能与我们更为健康的渴望毫无关联。
It’s bad enough to suffer; it’s even worse to do so at the hands of what we might as well term, with no supernatural associations, a coven of unfriendly ghosts.
生活已经够难了，更难的是，面对的是一群邪恶的、不友好的幽灵。